


i wish i (never) hated you

by KiwiBerry



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endgame Who? Don't Know Her, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony and Steve are both sad dumbs, in this house we realize they both are to blame, little bit of sex with a shit ton of plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-12 05:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20995112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiwiBerry/pseuds/KiwiBerry
Summary: Tony wants to fix things between them. He's pretty sure Steve wants the same. So why is it so damn hard for the two of them to meet in the middle?





	i wish i (never) hated you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all! This was my fill for the MCU Stony POTS Server Hurt/Comfort Bingo. Prompt was Relationship Drama/Arguments. Thanks to the two lovely betas who volunteered to read over this before submitting: starksnack and Ava! They're pretty cool.
> 
> Enjoy!

Tony was understandably scared shitless when the phone rang. 

It’s not like he didn’t know it worked, but he’d just never expected the damn thing to actually, well, work. On his end at least. Some part of him knew he would break one day, give in to that urge and just fucking call. 

“Hello?” He answered as casually as he could, evening his breaths so it wasn’t obvious how quickly he’d jumped to pull the thing out of his pocket. He held up a finger to a confused Pepper, mouthing “sorry” before leaving the room. 

“Is that longing I hear in your voice, Stark?” 

Tony sighed, stopping just outside the door. So much for needing privacy. “Natasha.” 

“I see you missed me.” 

He ignored the mirth in her voice, leaning exhausted against the wall of the hall. “What do you want? Why are you on Steve’s phone?” 

The pause that followed was only a little concerning. “He’s a bit..indisposed at the moment.“ Okay, maybe more than a little. “I just wanted to see if it actually worked.” 

“Of course it works,” Tony snapped, feeling annoyed. “Is he alright?” 

“He’s been better.” Natasha’s voice dripped with sincerity, and he felt his chest tighten. “You should talk to him.” 

“Nat—“ 

A muffled voice on Natasha’s end interrupted them. She said something back, mouth away from the phone, probably covered with one hand. Spies, Tony begrudged, wanting to roll his eyes. “Natasha? You still there?” 

Some shuffling could be heard over the line. And then: “Tony?” 

“Steve,” Tony echoed back, throat suddenly contracting, mouth going dry. God, his voice sounded rough. “Hi. Sorry. Is this a bad time? Natasha tells me you’re kind of busy so--” A gentle laugh rolled through the phone and all of Tony’s thoughts ground to a halt. _Focus, Stark._ “Everything alright?” 

“Nothing I can’t handle,” was Steve’s easy reply. _Confident bastard_. “Listen, I know Natasha was the one who called, so don’t feel like you need to keep talking. I understand if you have something more important to--” 

“No. No, there’s nothing.” Tony briefly pictured Pepper on the other side of the wall, expression sour. “Well, I mean there is something, there’s always something, but--” 

“Tony.” 

Just the name was enough to shut him up. “Right. Rambling. Sorry. What I mean to say is that, it’s okay. Us talking. Right now. I’m, uh, glad you’re doing okay. You are doing okay, right?” 

Steve made a noise that sounded like a hum. “All things considered? Yeah, I guess I am. But what about you? Everything alright at the compound?” 

For a moment, Tony could almost pretend there was genuine concern in those words. “As alright as it can be, I suppose. Given the circumstances.” He hadn’t meant to let the implications lie, yet there they were, exposed. 

Steve hesitated a bit, voice quieter. “Tony, I--” 

“Are you free anytime soon?” The words tumbled out before he could stop them, a wall against whatever Steve was about to say. Whatever he was about to admit in that damned pitying voice of his. “I have something for you. A gift. Well, more like a regift since I’m honestly just returning it, but, well...” Steve hadn’t interrupted yet, so Tony figured he was doing okay. “What do you say? Think you can stand to be in my presence long enough for a quick meet and greet?” 

The sigh that came over the phone was heavy and unfiltered, and Tony swore he could see Steve’s patented this-is-a-bad-idea face so clearly it was like he was right there in the hall with him. “I don’t know. I’m just not sure if the compound is---” 

“Screw the compound,” Tony said almost too quickly, fingers aching from how tightly he was holding the phone now. “I mean, I get it. Not very inconspicuous, it? But what about somewhere else? The tower?” 

“I thought you moved?” 

“I did. But I still own it.” Pepper had been quick to advise him not to do anything rash, like sell the entire tower out of grief. “But I get if that might be too gloomy for you? I mean, we all did live there, however briefly. But there’s plenty of other Stark properties to choose from.” Tony racked his mind, thinking of what he knew was nearby, away from prying eyes. “What about a lake house? There’s one not far from the compound, an heirloom of my mother’s mother.” 

“You mean your grandmother?” Steve corrected, and Tony thought his voice sounded just a little bit softer, more relaxed. 

“That’s the one. So what do you say? Up for a trip to the lake?” Tony could only wait a short moment before trying again. “Steve?” 

“Okay.” 

Tony felt all of his muscles unclench at the word, and he leaned his head back until it hit the wall, eyes closed. 

“I’ll have Friday send you the location,” he said, checking his watch. Pepper was sure to come looking for him any minute now. “Guess I’ll see you soon?” 

Another light, breathy laugh that sent shivers down Tony’s spine echoed over the phone. 

“Yeah, Tony. I’ll see you soon.” 

Tony didn’t tell anyone where he was going. He assumed Pepper knew since it was almost impossible to hide anything from her nowadays. Lately, if she wasn’t in the same room as Tony she made sure someone else was. He might have been offended if it was anyone else, but he knew Pepper only did the things that annoyed him out of concern or love or whatever. He couldn’t really fault one of the few people who still cared about him, after everything. 

Tony only had time to pull the dusty covers off some idle furniture and open a few windows before he heard the soft purr of an engine outside. 

The sun was low in the sky when he finally opened the door, Steve having just pulled up alongside his own car. He’d shown up on a motorcycle of all things, and Tony had to give him some style points for it. It was a sleek, black thing with enough old school modifications to make it feel less Tokyo Drift and more Captain America. 

“I thought fugitives were supposed to be all about laying low,” Tony teased, eyeing the bike appreciatively. He’d stopped at the edge of the porch, unable to will himself any further. As petty as it was, he wanted Steve to come to him. 

Steve smiled as he dismounted, taking slow easy strides to Tony. He hesitated at the bottom of the porch stairs before looking back at his bike. “It’s easier to maneuver. Makes for a faster getaway. Natasha recommended it.” 

Tony felt a twinge of hurt at the implication. “You planning to escape?” 

Steve met his gaze unflinching, expression firm. “Are you going to give me a reason to?” 

A heavy silence fell between the two of them as they just stared, some absurd game of manly chicken being played between them, and Tony made sure to break it. “Come on, I didn’t invite you here to just stand outside.” He didn’t wait for Steve before heading back inside. 

The house was rather small for a Stark property, but Tony knew that was only because of its age and sentimentality. Tony had made sure it stayed maintained and in good repair after his mother died. He himself had only vague memories of the place, a time when he was much, much younger, but he did recall how happy his mother had been every time they’d visit. She always said there was something about the water that soothed her. 

“I’m guessing you don’t come here too often,” Steve quipped as he entered the house, eyes roaming. The furniture was a bit dated, sure, and the weight of stale air was ever present, but for a place last used maybe thirty years ago it wasn’t awful. 

“You should know as well as I how hard vacations are to come by in our line of work,” Tony replied, maneuvering himself around an almost too large kitchen island. The top was a sleek hardwood, and he leaned against it casually. “You hungry? Thirsty? I had Happy grab some stuff this morning.” 

“Tony.” Steve said his name with a sigh and, ah, yes. There it was. That golden boy glare. “Look, you don’t have to play nice with me. I came here because you asked, because you’re my friend--” 

Tony couldn’t stop the amused noise he made at the mention of ‘friend’. “Oh? I’ll be sure to let Sam and Natasha know to look out for a shield to the chest next time I see them.” 

Steve’s expression flipped instantly to barely contained annoyance. A familiar face, at least. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight.” 

“No?” Tony asked, pushing away from the island, feigning shock. “Well, that just might be a first.” He waved a hand when Steve tried to argue, suddenly apologetic. “Sorry. You’re right. Civility really isn’t our forte, huh? Nevermind. Here, look.” He walked through the open kitchen, passing Steve to grab the thing he’d leaned against the couch. 

Tony offered the shield to Steve with a smile, making sure to leave some room between them. Let Steve make a choice. “I was wrong. What I said before...It’s always been yours. I just didn’t want to admit it.” Steve had taken so much from him that day, he’d wanted more than anything to just take something from him too. To make him feel even an ounce of what he’d felt. In hindsight, he should have known he never could. 

Steve only looked at the shield, hands remaining firmly at his side. He suddenly looked very tired. “Tony, I--” He met Tony’s gaze. Tried again. “Thank you. I mean it.” Tony only jumped a little when Steve stepped forward to take it, running one of his own hands over the edge before smiling, appreciative. “I don’t really know what to say.” 

“Then don’t say anything. Just...” Tony paused, a nervous smile on his face. “Just stick around, maybe? Just for a little bit. Everyone misses you. And not just you, the others too. Peter’s even been asking about you. I mean, the compound is still pretty much the same as when you left--” 

“Tony.” Steve’s voice was so obviously pained, and he moved to set the shield by the door. “Is that what this is about? You give me the shield and we just...come back? Just like that?” 

“Just like that,” Tony repeated, shoving his hands in his pockets. He took a few steps forward, hating how close Steve was to the door now. How close he was to leaving again. “Listen, I’ve been talking to Ross. The UN realizes the Avengers are only an asset when we’re a working unit. Cohesive. Right now, we’re just one half of a whole. I’m even working on getting Barnes cleared, and that’s become a hell of a lot easier with Zemo in custody, so I just thought....” 

Steve stood his ground, arms now crossed. Expectant. “Just thought what?” 

Tony shrugged, dipping his head. “That maybe that could be incentive enough for you, for all of you, to come back home.” The last word had to be practically dragged from his throat, ripped from between clenched teeth, but he knew it needed to be said. He felt better with it out in the air, the concept, the idea hanging between them. 

Steve closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair, looking lost. That was new. “You know we can’t.” 

“Says who?” Tony was closing in on Steve now, uncaring of pretenses, feeling slightly desperate. He knew he was losing his grip on the situation, but he could also see Steve cracking, slowly but surely. “Look, we both made mistakes, and I might not be able to forgive you for yours, and you might not be able to forgive me for mine, but we can still find some kind of understanding, at the very least? Christ, Steve, I...I want to fix this.” He motioned between the two of them with one hand, trying for a smile. “I need to fix this. I need you, Cap. I’m not half as good at anything as I am when I’m doing it next to you**. We both know that.” 

Steve shuddered at the words, and Tony could already sense him pulling away, ready to run. He’d gotten too close. “You don’t mean that. You can’t. All we seem to do nowadays is hurt each other, Tony, over and over again.” 

“That’s alright--” 

“No it’s not,” Steve cut in, voice louder now, angry. Tony couldn’t stop himself from flinching, arms now raised in defense, and that seemed to break Steve even more. “God, look at you. Even now you’re scared of me. Of what I might do to you.” 

“Hey.” Tony reached out reflexively, grabbing on to Steve’s jacket, keeping him close. “Look, yeah, I might still be a little shaken from everything that’s happened, but who wouldn’t be? It’s nothing we can’t overcome. You know this. I know you. I trust you.” 

Steve raised a hand to Tony’s wrist, removing it from his jacket. “You shouldn’t.” 

Tony raised a brow, pulling back his hand as his frustration grew. “God, why do you always have to do this? You always want to be the martyr, the one who lays it all on the line. For once, why can’t you just let me fight for the things I want? Why can’t you just trust me?” 

Steve’s expression grew increasingly pained, and his voice was now low, almost hesitant. “Because I know you don’t mean it. I know it’s not what you want, not really. It’s just what you think you should do, and I could never let you do that. I can’t let you sacrifice yourself just to spare me my feelings.” 

Tony leaned in closer, eyes narrowed. “Oh? And why’s that? Last time I checked, Rogers, you weren’t my dad.” 

“Well, maybe somebody should be,” Steve shot back, meeting Tony without hesitation. “God, Tony, you always do this. You run blindly into these things you don’t know, don’t fully understand, and then you get hurt. Sometimes even at the expense of other people.” He rubbed at his face, other hand now on his hip, frustrated. “At least Howard took the time to listen to what other people told him before he acted.” 

“Oh, cause good ol’ dad was so good at listening,” Tony mused, unable to stop the unabashed eye roll that statement conjured. “Really a staple of my childhood. How could I forget?” 

“Well, maybe if you didn’t just talk over people all the time and listened to them every once in a while,” Steve exclaimed, gestures a bit more animated, anger growing. "God, you can be so infuriating sometimes.” 

Tony couldn’t pretend that didn’t sting. “And sometimes you can be so goddamn stubborn. I take it all back. I really don’t know what my dad saw in you that was so fucking great.” 

Steve was incredulous. “Well, maybe if you sat down and had an actual conversation with me you’d find out.” 

“How about I just build you a time machine instead, and you can fuck off to the forties where you and dad were such good friends,” Tony asked, chest tightening. “That way you can play soldier and argue over who gets to ‘fondue’ Peggy all you want.” 

Steve didn’t hesitate. “You try so hard to let the world know that you and Howard aren’t the same, but I knew him and I know you. Just like I know how desperately you want to be able to go off and play goddamn house with Pepper just to prove you can be a better father than him. Just to prove that you can raise a kid without it turning out like you.” 

Tony hadn’t felt the initial sting of his hand when it made contact with Steve’s face. When he did, it was already hanging between the two of them, suspended in disbelief as the two of them stared at each other, eyes widening. 

Tony dropped it quickly, unable to watch the flutter of emotions flickering through Steve’s gaze as he did. 

“Where are you going?” Steve said eventually, voice unreadable but lacking any real bite. 

Tony kept his hand on the door as he opened it, not bothering to turn around. “I don’t know,” he admitted finally and made sure to slam the door on the way out. 

The sun was quickly setting when Tony left, the last stretches of light throwing shadows as he walked. The path around the lake was clear enough to see, however, so he followed it. His pace was quick, and he felt like every part of him was coiled up into this tight mass of rage. But just beneath that rage was the aching hurt he still felt at Steve’s words. 

_Just to prove you can raise a kid without it turning out like you._

The worst part had been that Tony couldn’t say he was wrong. He’d spent his whole life in his father’s shadow, and he’d lived accordingly just to be able to drag himself out from it. So yeah, maybe he’d once considered that apple pie life with Pepper. A happy marriage. Some reasonably adjusted kids. A family. Something Howard had never been able to truly give. But then Steve had shown up in his life, Captain fucking America, alive and breathing, and-- 

Tony kicked at the ground, letting out a cry of frustration as he scattered small rocks and leaves. The trees were almost bare now, and a quick flash of holidays and Christmas popped into his mind. 

“See if you get a fucking present from me this year,” Tony said aloud, grimacing at the idea of the Avengers being together for the holidays. Fat chance of that ever happening, especially now. “Fuck.” 

Tony followed the path as far as he could before it seemed to disappear in the darkness. The lake was silent now, moving quietly in the glow of the now rising moon. Tony took a few steps toward it, toeing the edge. He crouched down, reaching a hand into the shallowest part to brush at stones and wet earth. 

He took the time to close his eyes, and breathed in deep. Released that breathe. Breathed in again. Released. His hand grew colder as he did this, but the frigid temperature seemed to sober him. So he let himself sit firmly on the damp grass, hand still submerged. 

Staring across the lake, he could barely make out the lake house, dark and looming in the night. The light was still on downstairs, and Tony wondered if Steve was still where he’d left him, alone and reeling in the entryway. 

The thought saddened him, and he mentally kicked himself for it. _He deserves it, the bastard_, he told himself, before raising his cold hand to rest over his chest. Breathed in deep. Released. 

_Doesn’t make it hurt any less, though_. 

“Shit.” Tony pulled his hand from the water, face tilted toward the sky. His expression was grim yet resolved. “I am so fucked.” 

Tony wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone, but he did know he felt better now, calmer. Until he saw Steve again. 

“Steve?” 

Steve raised his head, uncurling from his seat on the porch steps. He’d been leaning against the railing, head hung low and shield laid gently against his legs. When Tony said his name, he picked it up and looked over it in the darkness. 

“Here,” he said finally, gesturing it toward Tony, outstretched. “I thought I should return it. I...” He threw in a smile, barely visible in the moonlight. “Turns out you were right after all.” 

Tony felt his newly formed walls crumble all over again. “Christ.” He rubbed a hand over his face before walking forward to push the shield aside. “No, I’m not. But neither are you.” 

Steve just stared at him perplexed, hand still gripping the shield. “Tony?” 

“Why didn’t you leave?” Tony asked instead, looking from Steve to the door. 

Steve shrugged. “I thought it would be rude to leave the place unattended.” 

Tony saw right through him, offended Steve would even try to lie to him, especially now. “Look, as much as I adore the boy scout schtick, it’s kind of pissing me off right now.” 

Tony couldn’t see Steve’s face well enough in the dark, but he liked to imagine it looked guilty. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said, eventually, and it was such a quiet, heartfelt confession that Tony was surprised by his need to hide it. “And I also wanted to apologize, about what I said--” 

“It’s okay.“ 

“No, it’s not,” Steve argued, letting the shield now fall to the wayside, focusing only on Tony. “I don’t want to say things that hurt you, Tony, especially when they aren’t true. I don’t want to lie to you. Not anymore.” 

Tony wasn’t a fan of where this conversation was going. “Steve, look, it’s in the past, okay? I get it.” 

“No, you really don’t.” Steve gave a huff of a laugh, something edging on manic, lost. “God, you have no idea. I had thought that maybe by not telling you certain things I was helping you. I thought maybe I could protect you, help focus you on all the good in your life. But really all I was doing was hurting you even more. I thought…I thought I could be this wall between you and the rest of the world, but I realized you didn’t need that. You don’t need me. You’ve been doing fine all these years without me. God, how much strength and perseverance and determination it must have taken to get you where you are today, and you did all of it without me in your life. You said that you’re no good without me, yet that’s the farthest thing from the truth. You’re so amazing, Tony, and I’m just sorry I couldn’t see it before now. I wish I could have. Maybe things would have been different if I did.” 

Tony wasn’t able to speak right away. Wasn’t sure he even could. 

“Tony?” 

Tony raised a hand, mouth slowly beginning to work. “Stop talking.” 

Steve did as he was told. God, he looked like a child getting scolded. Tony took the few steps forward until Steve was looking down on him, as visible as it could be in the dark. They watched each other for a while, neither moving, before Tony continued. 

“I have just one question for you, Rogers. And I want you to answer me truthfully, no sparing of feelings. After everything, after all the crap we’ve been through, do you still trust me?” It seemed a simple enough question, but Tony knew it would mean more to Steve. To Steve, trust was a declaration. Trust was a possible invitation to something new. To Steve, there was nothing he held in higher esteem than complete and unshakeable trust. 

Steve began nodding slowly, his next exhale a bit shaky. “Always,” was his reply, and Tony knew it to be truer than anything either of them had said that day. It was always the small things with them. How they seemed to forget to exist outside of the subtle. Sometimes, they forgot that they had the ability to hold what they wanted, what they felt, in the curve of their hands. It made most of their relationship very, very frustrating. 

“Then don’t go,” Tony breathed, hands pulling Steve down so his mouth ghosted over his before kissing him gentle and slow. 

Steve startled, muscles tensing against Tony. But only took a moment for him to begin relaxing again, to lean in closer. His mouth was more than receptive when Tony wrapped an arm around his neck, other hand moving along his jaw, into his hair. God, Tony never wanted it to stop. 

It actually wasn’t the first time they’d kissed. There’d been a moment before Ultron, at the party, where Tony had been just a tiny bit tipsy and Steve had just looked so sad after talking to Sam that he didn't even hesitate to lean up and kiss Steve ever so gently, press a reaffirming hand on his neck. It’s going to be okay, he’d wanted to say, but he’d never gotten the chance. Thor had pulled Steve away, going on about Asgardian drink, and Tony had easily slipped back into the crowd, drowning in the familiarity of shallow party conversation. 

He’d never brought it up after that, and neither had Steve. The team too concerned with murderous robots and Clint’s secret family. As always, everything else had just gotten in the way. 

When Steve did pull away, he kept a strong arm wrapped around Tony. The other reached up to cradle Tony’s hand that still ran through his hair. He pressed it gently against his own cheek, eyes closed. The warmth of Steve’s skin seeped into Tony’s cold hand. 

“Do you know how long I...” Steve started, words seeming to fall out of him before morphing into a contented sigh. 

Tony knew what he meant. He pulled his captured hand away only to press it firmly against Steve’s chest, protective and apologetic. “This has been our problem all along, hasn’t it? Arguing about one thing when what we really want to say is something else entirely.” It made sense, given their interactions. Tony knew he’d been a bit head over heels for Steve from the start, but it just seemed like the two of them had never been given enough time to just....be. Never had the right moment to feel it all out, let themselves decide. 

Steve smiled then, warm and familiar. Tony felt his heart skip a beat. “We should go inside.” 

Tony smirked, voice full of mirth. “I like the way you think, Rogers.” 

Tony didn’t know what he’d been expecting when he and Steve went back inside, but it definitely wasn’t to have Steve crowd him up against the nearest wall and kiss him, hard and desperate. 

“Wait, Steve,” Tony gasped, pulling away long enough to get a word in while Steve’s hands ghosted over his sides. 

Steve halted immediately, and only then was Tony able to recognize the want in Steve’s eyes, the flush of his face. He couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You look ridiculous.” 

Steve frowned, leaning away. “Sorry.” 

“No, wait.” Tony quickly pressed his hands into Steve’s shirt, reeling him back in. Again. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just, I’m not going anywhere. No rush.” 

Steve seemed to consider this, before appeasing. “I know. That’s what scares me the most.” When Tony just looked at him, confused, he continued. “God, Tony, I’m so afraid I won’t—that I can’t stop.” 

Now Tony was really lost. “Stop what?” 

“Hurting you.” Steve’s head hung low, ashamed. “You should hate me.” 

Tony dramatically pondered this before shrugging. He ran a hand through Steve’s hair as he spoke. “I mean, I probably should? Don’t get me wrong, most of the time you make it very easy for me to not like you. But I don’t think I can say much since I know I’ve given you plenty of reasons to not like me, too.” 

Steve didn’t look like any of that made him feel better. “I’ve never hated you, Tony. You know that.” 

And Tony did. He knew it was one of the reasons he’d ever a chance of being here with Steve in the first place. “Then I don’t get why it’s so hard for you to understand that I can’t hate you either. Very much the opposite in fact. And might I add your eyes are impossibly more gorgeous up close.” 

Steve stared, blinking, and then laughed, genuine and soft. “You’re impossible.” 

“You love it,” Tony teased, and let Steve kiss him again, slower but no less desperate. 

This time, when Steve pulled away, he looked apologetic. “I should go. Natasha and Sam--” 

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Tony was more than a little bewildered. Whiplashed might be a better word for it. “Why?” 

Steve looked just as turned around as him. “Should I...not?” 

Tony stared at Steve long and hard, trying his hardest to work out what was going on in that thick, super soldier skull of his. “Okay, so I’m just going to go ahead and apologize if I hadn’t made it abundantly clear when I kissed you outside--and then allowed you to kiss me again inside--but I’m kind of in love with you? More than kind of. A lot, actually. So, yeah, I’d really, really appreciate it if you stayed. With me. Here. Together?” 

Steve was silent a long time before realization seemed to dawn on him. “Wait, you’re in love with me?” 

Tony felt the urge to hit him again. “Rogers, you have to be the densest man I have ever met.” 

“Look,” Steve said, eyes practically darting across Tony’s face. He looked flustered, and Tony thought it was cute. “I just didn’t want to, you know, presume anything.” 

“Presume this then,” Tony prompted, slow and pronounced. He wanted to make Steve was hanging on his every word, if only so they would get through his ridiculously thick skull. Must be an effect of the serum. “Steven Grant Rogers, I am ridiculously in love with you. And I would appreciate it oh so much it if you’d just stop talking and get on with fucking me into tomorrow. Please.” 

Steve’s flustered expression easily grew into full on panic. Overloading. “Christ, Tony, you can’t just—“ Slowly, but surely, however, after some more stuttering, it settled into a timid yet growing want. Which then turned into some rationalizing, eyes calculating. Tony knew he was looking for an excuse. “I mean, as much I would love to—and I really, really want to-- we don’t really have...” 

“I do,” Tony piped in, casual. 

Steve stared. “What?” 

“In my car,” Tony explained, nonchalant. His hands smoothed out where they’d grasped Steve’s shirt, dragging slow. Maybe a little teasing. “Whatever you’re thinking we need, I have it. Don’t you know a Stark always comes prepared?” 

Steve wasn’t amused by the dazzling smile Tony gave him then. His expression mirrored something closer to slow creeping dread. “Wait, were you....Please don’t tell me you were planning this from the beginning?” 

Tony felt his calm fall away, tensing at the accusation. “What? No, of course not. I mean, not exactly. A small part of me might have hoped? But I never assumed that it would actually happen--” 

“Tony.” Steve’s voice was tight and clipped, and Tony swallowed his words. 

“Okay, look.” He tried again, realizing he was going to have to be frank with Steve. Regretfully honest. “I don’t really think it’s any of your business, but the past few weeks have been a bit rough for me. And I may have fallen back into some....less than savory habits? But it’s not like we were involved or anything before all of this, so why would I think it mattered if I--” Steve’s face was a mixture of hurt and regret, and Tony couldn’t stop from hating himself for it. “God, don’t look at me like that. It happened, it’s in the past. I’m here now. With you. That’s all that matters. Yeah?” 

Steve didn’t move when Tony cradled his face in his hands, eyes trained on only him. Willing Steve to understand. To let whatever was going on in his head go. 

“You really can’t win with me,” Steve said after a few dreadfully long moments. He leaned into the touch, hands now back on Tony, gripping tightly. “I’m so sorry I ever hurt you like that, Tony. If I would have known I’d...’ 

“Hey,” Tony interrupted, calling Steve’s trailing thoughts back to him. To just the two of them. “What did I just say? We can’t change the past. But you know what we can do? We can shape the future. And I’m really hoping my future consists of you kissing me a lot more than you have in the last ten minutes.” 

That got a smile out of Steve, who huffed childishly before wrapping his arms around Tony, pressing the two of them into a tight hug 

“Five minutes,” Steve said eventually against Tony’s ear, low and rough. 

Tony swallowed as he felt his knees go weak “I only need three.” 

Seeing Steve naked wasn’t as weird as Tony thought it might be. Having grown up practically idolizing the man, remembering how much his dad had raved about him during one in a million family dinners, he thought there might be some ingrained awkwardness between them because of it. 

But, god, having Steve under him, laid bare and exposed, those thoughts quickly became the last thing on his mind. 

“Ah,” Tony gasped as he leaned back, angling himself just so. He lifted his hips, knees pressed firmly into the mattress, and let Steve’s hands guide him back down. Allowed himself to feel Steve inside of him, warm and real. “Yeah, just like that.” 

Steve responded only by lifting his own hips, meeting Tony’s ass with force as he thrust upwards. His hands splayed over Tony’s hips, edging on painful. “Tony...” 

“Just give me a minute,” Tony whined, stuttering in his next drop when he felt Steve settle inside him just so. “I just, ah, need to get adjusted...Mmmm, it’s kind of been--” His next words died when Steve moved unexpectedly, groaning beneath. “It’s been a while.” 

Steve opened his eyes, and Tony knew the following look as a precursor to more questions. 

“Stop thinking and kiss me, yeah?” Tony averted, leaning forward. Steve leaned up on his elbows quickly, hand reaching out to pull at Tony’s nape, dragging him closer. 

Tony whined at the loss of contact it caused. “Steve...” He didn’t have time to say anymore as Steve kissed him again, fierce and wanting. His hands wrapped around Tony’s waist, cradling him close as he tipped Tony backward and onto the bed. 

Tony bounced as he landed, bedsprings creaking, and he swore he could see dust mingling in the air around him. His breath left him when he looked up at Steve, but in a good way. He was looming over Tony with that fierce look in his eyes, that intensity that screamed familiar, dangerous.... 

God, not now, Tony told himself. He closed his eyes, attempting to will the panic in his chest away. This was different, Steve wasn’t going to hurt him, he wouldn’t, he’d never--- 

_But he did_. 

“Tony?” 

Tony opened his eyes, and Steve was still there, but his eyes were softer now, concerned. _He’s not going to hurt me_, Tony reminded himself, repeated it over and over until that small, stupid part of him believed it. _Not anymore_. 

“Sorry,” he said, finally finding his breath and inhaling. Exhaling slowly. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. We’re fine. See?” He wrapped his hands around Steve’s neck, and tried a smile. 

Steve just kept staring, before he dropped his head onto Tony’s shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you. I swear. Whatever it takes. However long it takes. Tony, I...” 

Tony felt a bit smug, hands running over Steve’s back. “I know you will. And I’ll never let you forget it.” 

He hadn’t expected Steve’s teeth to scrape along his skin afterward, and he really hadn’t expected those teeth to bite down, sucking hard. Steve’s tongue followed the bite, warm and wet, and Tony shivered. 

Steve moved his hips to press back into him, and Tony let his head fall back, a pleasurable groan tearing from his lips. This angle was so much better than before. 

“You alright?” Steve asked, ever the gentlemen, and Tony wanted to laugh. 

“Honestly? I don’t think I’ve ever been better.” And it felt true. God, how he’d wanted nothing more than this for so long. To have Steve inside of him, leaning over him, mouth so close, eyes so full of affection and love. “Keep going?” 

Steve’s brow smoothed at the words, and he leaned down to kiss Tony again, sweet and light. “Whatever you want.” 

Tony hooked his legs behind Steve’s thighs, dragging him closer. “Damn right. Now, I do believe we’ve got about four years of sexual tension to make up for. So, get to it, yeah?” 

Steve shook his head, feigning disappointment but unable to hide his growing smile. “Yes, sir,” he said, and planted his hands on either side of Tony’s head before thrusting forward, earning him another appreciative groan. 

Later, after Steve had fucked Tony into the mattress more than once and turned him into a writhing, whining mess that the tabloids of his past would have had a field day with, those three little words seemed to creep over them once again, soft and sweet. 

“I really do love you, Tony,” Steve said, hand carding through Tony’s hair. 

Tony lay curled on his chest, hand roaming Steve’s own skin lazily. He honestly thought he could stare at his body forever, especially when he knew what it was capable of. “Yeah, that came through pretty loud and clear when you came inside me three times.” He smiled when Steve tensed beneath him, obviously embarrassed. “God bless the super soldier serum.” 

“Tony,” Steve groaned, free hand laid over his own face, hiding. “I already said I’m sorry.” 

“What? For fucking me so thoroughly I couldn’t even remember my own name when you asked if I was okay? Because no apology is needed for that. Unless you tell me we can’t do it again.” 

Steve peeked out from under his hand, and Tony looked up, meeting his gaze with a wink. “You know I can’t say no to you, right?” 

The admission pleased Tony more than it should have. “Which is why I am willing to exploit that fact to the fullest.” He pushed up on his hands, moving up to kiss Steve, slow and open mouthed. Teasing. 

Tony loved how easily Steve could just melt into their shared kisses sometimes, so trusting, guard completely down. 

Steve removed the hand from his face to rest on Tony’s neck, sliding over his collarbone, down his chest. Then it stopped. “You’re not wearing it. The reactor.” 

Tony looked down, annoyed at being interrupted mid-kiss. “You do realize I haven’t needed it for, like, years, right?” 

Steve shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. You told me before that the reactor still powers your suits, so...” 

It didn’t take Tony long to understand what Steve was implying. “Please don’t tell me you have a suit kink. Not that I’d be opposed, necessarily, but...” 

Steve rolled his eyes, not even pretending to hide his weariness. “So you didn’t bring a suit?” 

Tony dipped his gaze, hand now in Steve’s hair, distracted. “Didn’t think I needed one.” 

He hadn’t expected Steve to crush him to his chest, arms wrapped around Tony tight, almost desperate. 

“God, Tony,” Steve said, and he honestly sounded like he might cry. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.” 

“Let me know if you ever find out,” Tony replied while nipping at Steve’s chest. “Now stop talking. I’m exhausted, and I’m sure there will be at least ten phone calls from Pepper alone in the morning.” 

As if agreeing, Steve yawned, and turned more onto his side, cradling Tony to him. “Okay. See you in the morning?” 

Tony felt a thrill at the implication and settled in for however long they had left before morning. “Night, Cap,” he affirmed, tasting the nickname on his tongue like it was the first; like it suddenly felt new and oh so right. “Make sure you dream of me.” 

Tony felt the responding laugh rumble in Steve’s chest, and suddenly the world seemed different somehow. 

Better. 

Tony awoke the next morning to sunlight pouring over his face, and he groaned unhappily before burying himself further into the rumpled sheets. His body ached and his head begged him for caffeine, but the bed was still warm and comfortable, and the firm presence at his back was enough to lull him back into a light sleep. 

Besides, it wasn’t like anyone could really blame him for wanting to covet a sleeping Steve to himself. 

At least, not for a little bit longer.

**Author's Note:**

> **Avengers Prime Vol. 1 Issue #5
> 
> So I have an idea for a longer, more drawn out plot like this but kind of Endgame compliant so like if that's something ya'll would want to see let me know


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